Being Comfortable with Uncertainty
When I was in nursing school I almost failed out because of my psych rotation. You see, there are two brains. The thinking brain and the feeling brain. My two brains often have conflicting interests, and this psych rotation almost did me in.
In the face of uncertainty, we often go with the option that is comfortable. - M. Manson
I know that there is a lot of hype and fear cluttering your inbox related to COVID-19 and I want to take a moment to honor your fears. You all mean a great deal to me both as students, and friends, a chosen family.
Many of the emails that are cluttering said inbox feel as sterile as an Operating Room table and about as emotionless as the device you are reading it on.
In nursing school we learned about Florence Nightingale implementing hand-washing in the hospital during the Crimean War reducing the death rate from 42% to 2% as well as other non PG-13 techniques to ‘treat’ the soldiers during her nightly rounds. Hand-washing was one of those major nursing skills that required a check off list where we had to wash our hands for a full minute with soap in a particular way before rinsing it off, making sure that the water ran from the finger tips up the arms.
My Psych rotation wasn’t as easy as a check-off list and hand washing. I was on the 14th floor of the hospital in a Level 3 patient care facility. Many patients were on suicide watch, and others were discharged after staying the 28 days that insurance would cover only to be brought back upstairs by the police 5 days later when the medication had worn off, far worse than they had left.
I learned a lot on that rotation.
One of the biggest take-aways was Comfortable with Uncertainty, a book that was recommended to me by my ashtanga teacher while I was going through the rotation. One of the quotes stuck with me like hand washing, “What you do for yourself, any gesture of kindness, any gesture of gentleness, any gesture of honesty and clear seeing toward yourself, will affect how you experience your world. In fact, it will transform how you experience the world. What you do for yourself, you’re doing for others, and what you do for others, you’re doing for yourself.”
― Pema Chödrön, Comfortable with Uncertainty: 108 Teachings on Cultivating Fearlessness and Compassion
I’ve been a nurse through the Avian flu, H1n1, Zika, and now there is COVID-19. I don’t know what will happen.
I know I would rather not feel anxious or afraid, but the point of emotions isn't to suppress or ignore them. Our emotional brain developed to protect us.
Fear invites us to prepare and protect ourselves. It activates the fight or flight response. Anxiety keeps us on our toes, ready to move at a moments notice.
Our yoga practice has been preparing us to work with these emotions, to transform them into useful actions, instead of harmful re-actions.
I firmly believe that my health is a direct causation of my ashtanga practice. Health is an expression of my; asana, pranayama, diet, breathing, emotional reaction, conditioned through a daily practice. The daily practice of ashtanga has and will continue to keep me vibrant and living this wonderful expression of life.
However, I get a flu shot each year. Not because I care if I get sick but because I used to work around infants and children with compromised immune systems. Back then I couldn’t in good faith know that I was potentially a carrier of disease to these incredible wonders of stardust in human form. They were completely helpless, I was not.
My ashtanga practice is a dedication to health and healing. As a student I’m not one to collect asana. I work the details and dissect the nerve fibers between and through my practice. I practice with this purpose to express health. As a teacher, I’m not the one to keep giving new asana, and to the frustration of some it can feel like I’ve retarded their growth as I nit-pic details that seem insignificant. They may be insignificant but they are not inconsequential, there are consequences, injuries, and I cautiously teach to avoid these. Sometimes they happen anyway, and then I learn more as a student.
The practice will keep us healthy, but for now it must look different. Practicing together in a room where we breathe on and with each other is not conducive to our health at this moment. My concern is for those who do not practice and are in our lives that we spend the other 22 hours a day with. My concern is bringing the virus to them, the child, the significant other with asthma, the diabetic housekeeper, these other important people in our lives who are the extended family of the mysore room.
There are a lot of reactions, with LARGE, sensational words, specifically designed to activate emotional triggers. How we respond will determine our level of stress and how we are prepared to deal with this virus. Stress weakens the immune system.*
If the studio you normally practice as closes because of quarantine lockdown, your practice will look different. It may stop completely, it may be harder to be motivated, it may even get better with less distractions and more focus?
May I suggest 3 things?
Read Pema Chödrön’s Comfortable with Uncertainty
If you need motivation to practice or want to do a led class with me check out my Youtube channel www.youtube.com/c/ashtanganurse
Wash your hands
I want you to know that I am here for you. Please do not hesitate to reach out via email
